


No Takebacks

by LeviSqueaks



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bobby ain't got time for your shit, Crowley's got a problem, Gen, It's based on a meme, Potty Mouths, excessive use of the term Darling, no takebacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-21
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:54:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22826740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeviSqueaks/pseuds/LeviSqueaks
Summary: Crowley's got a terrible problem and Bobby's the only one he can go to for help. for the low low price of his sanity and 3 bottles of the good stuff.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6
Collections: SPN Rare Ship Bingo 2020





	No Takebacks

“Hello Darling,”

Bobby whirled around, pistol coming from somewhere in the flanneled depths of his midsection as it pointed straight at Crowley’s head, “Jesus Christ! Don’t sneak up on me like that, ya’ Bastard!” 

“Pet names already, Darling? You must be having a good morning,” the King of Hell mused as he leaned gingerly against one of the wrecks in Bobby’s side yard, still a few feet away from Bobby’s current project. If the once-Scot had to hazard a guess, it would be an eighties something Ford. 

Bobby narrowed brown eyes from beneath the tattered truckers hat and slowly put the pistol away, ignoring Crowley’s mutters that he wasn’t even terrifying enough to warrant weapons any more. “Well… seems a hell of a lot better than you, what’s the matter? Not enough souls to count to get some shuteye?”

Crowley sighed and conjured up two glasses of scotch. “I find myself in need of your assistance, Darling,” once skewered with a glare he amended, “Robert.” 

“And what makes you think I’m gonna just help you?” Bobby sneered, even as he accepted the glass of scotch and took a sip. Crowley always did have the good stuff and the demon was too needy to off him. He examined the usually collected man, taking in the wrinkled suit, the bloodshot eyes, and the general jitteriness. 

“Oh you’ll like this one. You see…” Crowley sipped his scotch and swallowed, “I recently acquired a soul… and I don’t want it any longer.” 

The gun was immediately pointed back at Crowley’s head and Bobby’s eyes narrowed, “explain.” 

“I’m trying to… keep your knickers on, Darling.” Crowley rubbed a hand over tired features. “A girl… she was 18, sold her soul to me for the ability to operate fully capable with only an hour of sleep. It was the easiest deal I’ve ever made really, well I came to collect, she didn’t fight it at all… but now that I’ve got her… well... “ He grimaced. “Her soul’s completely unhinged, it’s driving me absolutely mad, and when I offered to give it back she screamed ‘No take-backs!’ in my face… I’m frankly, at a loss.” 

Bobby stared at him silently for several long moments then cleared his throat. “You want me to help you give someone their soul back?” He demanded. “What’s the price?”

Crowley quickly shook his head and put his hands up. “I just don’t want it. I need you to hold her body, let me shove it back into her and then we’re both done.” He explained. 

Bobby snorted a laugh and shook his head. “Three full bottles of the good stuff.” He said firmly and they suddenly appeared at his side. “Anything else Darling? Money? Jewels? Hookers?” 

Bobby rolled his eyes and waved dismissively as a woman’s body was suddenly in front of him. She was short, curvy and wearing jeans and a band hoodie that he didn’t recognize. Bobby took the woman’s arms to brace her and watched as Crowley pulled out a soul and approached the body. 

The woman seemed to come to life and she thrashed. “No way! No take-backs, Demon! You bought it!” She yelled at Crowley and tried to evade the soul getting shoved in her chest. Bobby only barely managed to keep a strong grip on her and winced as the woman wailed when Crowley shoved the soul back into her. 

Once in place, Crowley backed up with his hands raised. “I want no part in it, poppet, it’s just too… depressed, even for me.” With that he vanished. 

Bobby sighed and released the woman who was scowling at the spot where Crowley had just been standing. “Uh.” 

A bag appeared at her feet which she picked up and groaned, seeing it full of cash. “THAT’S NOT SUFFICIENT PAYBACK YOU PASTY, SHORT, IRISH BASTARD!” She yelled out then shouldered the pack and huffed, turning to roll her eyes at Bobby while he stared dumbfounded, “What a pussy, amiright?” 

Bobby watched her stomp off in a huff with a confused frown on his face. 

Fucking Mondays, man.


End file.
